Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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