just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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