News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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