didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
