There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
