I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
