you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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