That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
