So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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