She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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