I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
