last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
