You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
