I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
