Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
