There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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