On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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