By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
