i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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