There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
