so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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