Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
a search helicopter?!
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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