K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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