I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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