uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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