Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
