well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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