Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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