Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
