I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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