she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize