this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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