he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
