I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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