I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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