we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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