wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
