The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
