dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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