I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize