If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
