Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
