Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
