I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
