Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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