Cold hands, warm shart.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
