I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
