Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
