you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
