please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize