Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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