She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
