I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize