ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
