Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
