Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
