Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
