it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
