I wish you could order shots online.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
