What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
