eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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