I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
