I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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