I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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