I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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