she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
