I seem to have left my pride at pride
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
