It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
