im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
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