Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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