There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
