i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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