the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
pop tarts are not kleenex
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
